11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Girls should come with a carfax report
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
