she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
