The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
