I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
