Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
