I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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