We won't sleep together?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
