Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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