I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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