You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
