Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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