He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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