Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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