apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
