when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
