If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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