Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
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He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
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I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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