I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
