After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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