I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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