Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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