If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
