Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
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