Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
