closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
