saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
