Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
