i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
