we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
