Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
