I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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