apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
