I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
