You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
