What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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