you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
