the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I am available for nakedness
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
