I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
