She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
