I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Ladies don't puke and tell
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
