I skipped work to stalk him.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
