After last night, I could never be a politician.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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