id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you didnt know i had herpes?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
