Got a toothbrush?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
