That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
