wrigley field is MILF paradise
found the other keg... it's in the tree
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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