1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
