Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
