I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
there is puke in my bra ... again
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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