i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
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I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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