Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
