I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
