I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
