new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
