I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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