11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
