Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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