in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
