Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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