I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
dude i'm inner monologue high
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
