Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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