I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
