I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The Olympian is in my bed
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
