she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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