Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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