I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
