If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
