that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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