And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
