Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
