I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
