I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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