my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
